Reality Check

What makes me feel undone? I keep asking myself. How come so many of my days, specifically homeschool days, have this chaotic, crazy feeling, where my attitude and the spirit of this household is in general spiraling downward, instead of upwards?

I have trouble relating well to my children when I feel this "undone" feeling...do you know what I'm referring to? So I'm sitting here on my couch pondering the situation, trying to figure out why that negative feeling creeps into my heart so many days...

So here's what I want to blame it on first...(I'm going to come back and analyze these thoughts, don't worry)
~there's a basket of laundry on my chair that needs to be folded (and more in the drier, what's new?)
~it's supposed to be quiet rest time and my children are fighting (as usual) upstairs in their room
~a drawer is left open
~someone's Bible has been on the floor upstairs for 4 days and the owner hasn't noticed yet...(sometimes I do that, leave it there to see when they will notice, since they walk over it like 20 times a day)
~there's a tent up in my school room, and city blocks are scattered all over the floor
~whatever I do to teach my kids their school work only seems to annoy them, not inspire them
~I can't walk through my children's room (seriously, this isn't a joke...again, when will they too notice this?)
~the vicious cycle of negative attitudes seems to be unstoppable...(it goes something like this: I wake up, read the Bible, feel inspired and ready for a good day; kids wake up, bicker at the top of the stairs; at least one person isn't happy about the breakfast selection; someone rides his tricycle into a block sculpture, people scream, and we haven't even started school yet...and it goes on)
~food...I go through phases where I'm thrilled about food, and then I go through phases where I wish I didn't have to prepare every last morsel that enters my family's mouth...
~fruit flies...enough said.
~the feeling of despair that comes when I know I'm responding harshly to provocation, but I seem to not be able to stop myself

That's just today, people...anyone out there relate?

So what do we do with all this?
1) Notice that most of these things are surface things, things related to my environment, my situation. So really, the struggle here is discontentment--for selfish reasons, I'm discontent with what's going on right at this very moment (the dirty house, the noise, the uncooperative children). And God has something to say about this, right?

Philippians 4:11b-13, 

"for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: ¹² I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. ¹³ I can do all things through Christ^[b] who strengthens me."

2) I'm allowing myself to dwell on these negative thoughts, causing my attitude to turn sullen and miserable. I'm focusing on myself and my own needs, instead of pointing myself and my children to God's grace and kindness. I'm acting like I'm the only one who can bring this family light and joy, and when I don't meet up, I get caught up on my failures--so I'm shining this bright light on myself as the source for our contentment, instead of on Christ and His matchless grace and mercy.

Philippians 4:4-7,

"Rejoice in the Lord {not in mom} always. Again I will say, rejoice. Let your gentleness be known to all men. The Lord is at hand {He encompasses believers with His presence}. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."

(Philippians is chalk full of applicable truth for us, right?)

What more can I say? When I have a day like today, where I'm feeling negative and discontent, I need to confess my sin of discontentment, and turn my eyes on Jesus. It's so much better that way right? There's so much more hope and joy when our eyes are looking towards Jesus instead of ourselves. I need so much work! My heart is constantly tempted towards selfishness and pity-parties; so I'm immensely thankful for Jesus--the one whom my soul can dwell happily upon.

*of course, there are some practical, proactive things I can do with my list as well, but that's for another post.